Turnabout Bananas: Part Whole (giggity)
by Scott Nakagawa
Summary: Welcome to the fun and really outdated rendition of certain favorite characters of NicoB, and Clover. If the man himself is reading this, he should note that he read chapter 1, but chapters 2 and 3 also exist, and existed at that time. It's a Zero Escape motif for chapter 2, so forgetting chapter 1 actually works in his favor. Plus, the villain motivation kicks so much poontae.
1. Cracked Shipping

A whole bunch of characters sit around a table, because most of them are too badass to stand. One of the seats is really high up, but we'll focus on that loony in a second. All of the characters are chatting about nonsense, Monokuma being the loudest and most nonsensical, obviously. We'll focus on one conversation to give exposition about how nonsense it was, and then never use first person in this story again.

Seven shifts his acorn beanie and looks down. "So, it turns out that this judge is more bullshit than his unofficial lover," he said with a sigh. "He kept calling that Lotus bitch a dirty whore, but I can never get some loving with those tig ol' bitties."

A girlish laugh resounding with the aura of a thousand douches answers him. "Oh, dear, that sounds rough," Joshua said, brushing his hair back, because he'd totally do such a douche move if he wasn't a sprite. "That's why I'm dating Sally. Girls can be such a pain, you know?" He looks around. "Hm. I feel like I should've heard something there."

Seven cocked his head to the side. "Wait, ain't Sally a girl's name?"

"Oooh, that's cute. I think you'll be my new Sally."

"Everyone stop inspiring fanfictions!" a shout came from the high mahogany seat. Everyone in that courtroom, who's not being revealed yet in order to get a surprise reaction from the man, turned up to look at him, the presiding judge: NicoB. He then sneered at The Judge, pointed his thumb at himself and did his demon laugh. "That's right. I'm the judge now, bitch!"

"Give me back my seat, you little shit!" The judge tried to get up, but found himself stuck. "Wait, what's going on? How can I be stuck? I'm just a head attached to a cloak!"

Komaeda then waved to everyone. "That was me pounding the gavel the whole time, giggity. I'd like to show everybody how buff my non acrylic nail arm from Junko is, but I'm stuck too!"

"Hold it, what do you mean arm?" Phoenix shouted, sticking his arm out but banging it into the penguin portrait titled 'Bagels' cemented in front of his desk. It was in front of everyone's desk. He then clutched his trembling arm. "Oh. That's what you meant. Ow…you take it from… here, Edgeworth, my-"

"Acquaintance. Ugh." Edgeworth, sitting next to him, made a funny sound and waved his little finger, and bumped into the portrait in front of him. "Well, putting that aside, we all appear to be stuck. Let's not waste time with exposition, and just straight out say that we all woke up here half an hour ago with a penguin portrait in front of us and attached to our seats by…" He clutched his forehead with his other arm. "Forces defying logic."

NicoB slammed his gavel. "Edgeworth, we're hear because of your yaoi tendencies, so quit being a shy douche. Also, this is my freaking demon power and you will call it as such."

Edgeworth looked down, then left, then right, then left. "Even if it kills me, I won't."

NicoB sighed. "Funny you should bring that up. This is my class trial, and you're all suspects in the murder of an amazing goober." He points to his desk. "I've even got a punishment time ready that'll make Turbo Dismount seem like a fresh Martini."

"OH THAT IS IT!" Monokuma shouted. "Try to steal my mojo one more time, you little shit!" He picked his martini off the table and threw it at Nico. Despite his stubby arms and lack of opposable thumbs, it threw like a baseball pitch. As the glass approached Nico, a giant fist came from nowhere and crushed the glass. A spear then impaled the fist.

Despite the overwhelming satisfaction, Nico could not smile. "One of you is responsible for the death of Maya Fey. Even if…that person is the least likely suspect." He then pointed at…Phoenix.

Phoenix slammed the desk. "Me? What did I do? And stop stealing our signature stuff!"

"I have an eyewitness to what happened. And I'll be the one cross examining."

Phoenix slumped and folded both of his arms, which had magically healed because that exposition was over. Nico then ran his fingers across his eyes. "I hate to do this, but you're the only witness…Hagakure."

Hagakure stood up. "Whoa, how can I stand, dude? Thanks a loads, Nico!"

Nico pushed back his glasses. "Don't push your luck. If you could actually matter to a story, I'd make you guilty right now. My demon powers can save you and end you."

"Man, you got to lay off the abuse." A gavel then came flying from nowhere and smacked Hagakure, His hair evaporated like Payne. "Dude, am I still tripping?"

"I have 6 more gavels and 0 patience."

"Okay, okay! It happened like yesterday ago, because that's how soon murder trials start." He got hammered again, and not in the good way. "So, I was going out for a reef, and the least populated place was a park called YELP. "

"Hold it, what do you mean, YELP?" Phoenix shouted. "Dang, not standing really throws off my game. Oh, and it stands for Yaoi ELopers' Park."

Nico sighed. "Why even ask if you know what it is? Wow, this is getting bananas."

"Ahahahahahahaha, it's getting what now?"

"Can you just continue, Hagakure?"

Without his hair, confused Hagakure looked even more stupid. "Okay, dude. So, when I sat down, I saw Phoenix and Edgeworth having some sort of conversation. Then they started making out. It was weird, dude."

"Objection!" both of the archnemesi-nemisi-nesmesi-Nick and Miles shouted.

A turkey bagel appeared from The Judge's mouth and smacked Edgeworth in the face. "Overruled, you meat murderer. Every fan and their Mr. Kitty knows."

"But then, there was this other weird dressed dudette who was like super hyped. She kept shouting 'yaoi' and about them undressing."

"Objection, nyehehe," Joshua laughed. "But how can you say for sure? Weren't you pretty stoned?"

"Hey, even I couldn't get stoned after that! And stop interrupting me before I finish testifying!"

Joshua tossed his hair again. "The writer doesn't want to waste space, Hagakure. And no, you'll never be Sally to me."

"That's a tranium to the cranium, dude." He got hammered again. "I was going to relocate and get hammered, not literally, but that chick suddenly started spazzing out. Then, she fell over. I ran away, cause I was freaked out!"

"Cause you're a little bitch." Seven grinned. "Hell yeah. Who's with me?" He looks around, but he was sitting next to Joshua and Clover, who was now 85 but looked 5. No one else was laughing, either. "Man, you all suck."

"Anyway, dudes, I think-"

NicoB glared at Hagakure. "Say another word, and I will prove your shit so wrong." Hagakure slumped in his seat. Nico continued. "Anyway, the three of you and Maya were the only ones there, and since Hagakure can't do shit, that leaves you two as likely suspects."

Edgeworth sighed. "I suppose nothing can be done about hiding my rendezvous, but that's all we did. Are you seriously accusing me of killing that girl by making out in front of her?"

Nico gasped. "You're right. Not even Komaeda could manage something so bullshit."

"Well, actually-"

"Anyway, I'll get an autopsy." He snaps his fingers. "Okay, I'm done. It turns out that she has trace amounts of poison in her system. And since no one cares what it's called, I'll just say that if a person consumes it with meat and gets aroused, they die. If taken alone, it's a laxative."

"Whaaaaaaa?" Clover suspiciously shouted. "That's stupid! Poison doesn't work like that!" She then initiated a Panic Talk Action.

Komaeda then pointed at her. "You've got that wrong. For plot convenience, it does. Plus, Maya eats anything without abandon. Oh man, it's fun to be Hajime."

She then started a rebuttal argument. "But the park doesn't allow food! Therefore, she couldn't bring food in!"

"I'll cut through that bagel! I mean claim! There was bits of meat in her teeth, along with pieces of bun." Komaeda then cut a small x in his hand, and applied the pepto bismal to his hair. When he was done, his hair stuck up. "From there, we can assume she ate a burger recently. Wow, I'm doing such a good job as Hajime."

Judge twisted his head. "Dear, what did I tell you about dwelling on past relationships?"

"Oh please, Udgey, our ship is more crack than what our residing judge intakes by the hour! Courtesy of Folgers." Nico threw another hammer aimed at Komaeda, but it hit Hagakure. Komaeda stuck out his tongue. "Oh, Nico, you should know better than to defy-"

"I'm not done." Nico pushed another button added for plot convenience. The ceiling tile above Komaeda moved to the side, and a large cylindrical concrete block fell onto Komaeda. Smoke appeared to blur his form, for the same reason. "Let's see you bullshit your way out of getting crushed by a 50-"

"One step ahead of you." The smoke cleared, and Komaeda sat calmly, surrounded by what appeared to be a blueberry bagel. Yes, the concrete became a bagel. "Wow, I was hoping to get a banana flavored bagel, but this…" He started caressing the bagel. "This looks really good. I could ea;geawegwehgwilkdhcxnmh!" All of a sudden, he appeared to go under a seizure, and 10 seconds in, he fell onto the bagel and stopped moving.

Edgeworth tapped his forehead. "Hm. It appears there's more to the case. It would seem that he also accidentally ingested some of this arousal poison."

"I don't see any other reason." Nico leaned over with a bored gaze. He then snapped. "Okay, autopsy complete. The same poison poisoned him as well. It also seems to have the been from the same source as Maya."

Phoenix extended his arm, except higher, while using the finger next to his index finger. "Hey, we're supposed to figure this out! Don't be a Joshua!"

Joshua smiled. "You really think that rather than being a douche, I define douches? Thanks, you shilly Sally! It finally happened, Nico!"

Nico frowned. "What? When was someone stopping you from being a douche? Nominate yourself for The Biggest Douche in the Universe for all I care!"

'Well, now I can. You just did what I failed to do yesterday and got rid of my competition."

"I thought that would be Toga-wait, were you trying to kill Komaeda?"

"Of course. He was at YELP, so there were barely any witnesses. It was perfect."

Nico slammed both of his remaining gavels at the same time. "Hold on a dang doodle minute! Are you saying you and Komaeda were at YELP earlier?"

"No, Udgey over there was there too."

Seven held up his fists. "Man, why'd you failed to bring this up now, shitstain? You're not in the Ace Attorney universe, so perjury is real!"

"Oh, Sally, how can I lie about something I was never asked in the first place?"

Nico held up both gavels, both arms trembling. He took a deep breath, and put them down. "You're not worth it and you'll never learn. So will you give testimony as to what you were doing…please?"

"Unlike Original Sally, you _can_ ask the important questions." Joshua shrugged. "It's quite simple. I knew Komaeda was at the park, so I snuck in. When I found him, they were pulling a Lady and the Tramp with a turkey bagel. Once their mouths reached French territory, I used my Jesus powers and smited them. Well, I thought it did, but the light stayed even after my attack was done. Light was shining around Komaeda, and then he shouted 'taste my delicious wrath', and then he was all in green. 'Your mistake was attacking me around a turkey bagel,' he said as he turned to me. I couldn't see his face under the dumb green mask."

Everyone turned to see the knuckle cracking in the Judge's direction, even though he had no arms. "You want to test my delicious wrath?" His eyes started glowing and his mouth opened.

"Hold it, Judge!" Phoenix yelled. Judge turned to him, but his eyes kept glowing. "Something's been bugging me! Aside from that bagel, what else did you eat that day?"

Monokuma bear-palmed. "Why don't we just skip this stupid shit and cut to the chase? Judge, shoot off your turkey if you want, but you're gonna die!" Nico threw a gavel at Monokuma. A spear suddenly fell from the ceiling and impaled the gavel. Yes, it was that sharp. He held up a martini glass. "If you spilled this, the spear would go through you, you little shit!"

"First, inappropriate dirty jokes are my thing. Second of all, don't ruin the mystery. Some people like solving it out! Don't you like the intrigue?"

"There's no despair, so who gives a shit?" Monokuma bear-palmed again. "Look, the Judge and Komaeda didn't eat anything else that day, so the bagel was poisoned, and the judge gets turned on by turkey. Figuring that out is boring and lengthy, and no one suffers as a result."

"Right." Nico sighed. "Anyway, Joshua, could you please finish?"

"Of course, Sally. The whole world turned into pixels. Komaeda had his move bonus, so even when holding Udgey, he ran away faster than me. And Noise kept blocking my way. Once I killed them all with my Jesus powers, I lost track of those nuggets. Fortunately, they left their mostly-eaten turkey bagel on the bench. I gave it a blast, but instead of evaporating, it turned into a turkey burger. So I left, mostly because I didn't want to miss my 4:00 douche off with Togami. That's a wrap, Sally."

Everyone else in the courtroom looked relatively stunned. Hagakure raised his hand. "Wait, then who killed Maya? She ate the poison on her own. Or is it like Fee-chi and Wedgers accidentally did the deed?"

Nico stared at the lone gavel in his hand. "God damn it. Anyway, I'm not doing any Case 5 bullshit here. No accidental murders. Someone intended to kill, and I'll punish them."

Edgeworth pouted. "But how? We've used up all our leads."

"Blararlar!" Phoenix shook his head. "We haven't answered how Komaeda snuck a turkey bagel into the park! It bans food entry!"

"No, I made it hover underneath my cloak," Judge interjected. "The guard to the park was freaked out by me being a floating head, so he didn't check me. Not that he could've. The park was short-manned, so they hired that dead guy from the precinct."

Phoenix started sweating heavily. "Oh. Sorry."

Seven scratched the back of his head. "Dang. Thinking back on it, Maya's death might be my fault."

"Why, Seven?" Nico cried. "I loved you!"

"Look, I didn't mean to hide it from you, kay? It's complicated. I didn't even understand it until now."

"Well, you mind telling us?" Nico said, rather casually.

"Sure. See, I like kicking back after a hard day in Horny Rangers with a nice tomato sub. However, before I could buy one, Clover gave me one as a gift."

"Why didn't you eat it?" Clover shrieked.

"Because you were acting really suspicious. I wouldn't eat your shit if you paid me. Well, I'm a good cop, so I wouldn't accept it anyway. Hell yeah."

Monokuma suddenly started laughing. Nico pounded his gavel. "Shut the fuck up Monokuma! Clover, were you trying to kill Seven? Why?"

"Revenge, of course! You killed me, because that's the most likely conclusion!"

Seven gripped his acorn beanie. "Clover, for the last time, I didn't kill you. Even if I did, your revenge would make no sense because you're still alive."

Clover blinked. "Oh. Huh, that makes sense. How did I not realize that earlier?" A gavel struck her. "Ow!"

To everyone's surprise, the gavel traveled back into Nico's hand. "Huh? But how?"

"Truth be told, Sally, Judge left that at the scene too. It seemed different after my Jesus powers blasted it, so I kept it and snuck it into your gavel collection. Aren't I nice?"

Nico threw it at Hakagure, and it flew back. He then did this a few more times. "Hm, I could get used to this. Joshua, give thanks to God that I won't smack you with it."

Joshua smirked. "Thanks, me. You really are the greatest. Hihihi."

"Seven, could you please continue?"

"Hell yeah. I saw Komaeda practicing some skill, so I grabbed a turkey bagel from the cafeteria and stuffed the tomatoes inside it. I then left a note pretending to be Judge, and left it in Komaeda's locker. I figured Clover didn't look old enough to buy poison anyway, so some asshole must have given her some cheap off the counter stuff. I thought I could teach Komaeda to be less crazy."

Nico frowned. "Weren't you jumping a lot there? How would you even know if it was cheap?"

Seven grinned. "Because the owner of it is a drunk piece of shit."

"Hey!" Monokuma shouted. "I don't criticize you for your hobbies! You're targeting bitch tits mcgee, you dumb fuck!"

Seven flexed. "I ain't ashamed. A real man treats his faults like part of himself. I'm a horny ranger because I'm a man. Nothing wrong with men liking big titties."

"Hold the phone, Seven." Nico held out his hand. "While I agree with you, Monokuma just said something strange. Monokuma, you gave Clover the poisoned tomato sub?"

"Darn tootin! Upupupupupu!" Monokuma did his Mickey Mouse laugh. "I wanted to get a spicy murder trial going! And it worked! Shame it was just a laxative. I should get a monocle attached to my crazy half."

Something clicked in NicoB's mind. "How about I buy one as a momento of you?"

"Huh? Why are you talking like I'm going to die? All I did was spice things up! Did I feed anyone poison?"

"That might have worked in game 1 trial 4, but here, you're a participant. And you instigated a murder, so you're guilty!"

"What kind of bullcrap system is that?"

"My system, my rules."

Monokuma suddenly began emitting steam. "W-wait! Wait! Didn't you kill Komaeda? You'll get executed too by that logic!"

Nico did his evil demon laugh. "Oh, I wouldn't say that for sure. EVERYTHING. IS. FALLING. INTO PLACE!"

"Holy shit, dude!" Hagakure got more whacks.

A display showed up behind Nico, detailing various comics. He then began speaking. "First, Monokuma gave Clover a poisoned tomato sub. Clover gave the roll to Seven, who didn't understand its function and put it in Komaeda's locker inside a turkey bagel. Komaeda and the Judge ate it together, but were chased away by Joshua. They left the bagel behind, and Joshua somehow turned it into a turkey burger. Maya must have found it and ate it, because she's a goober. She then died from watching Edgeworth and Phoenix make sweet yaoi together. Isn't that right…Monokuma?" Nico then dramatically pointed at him. "Your intentions gave Komaeda poison. But also you!" He pointed at Joshua. "Your jesus powers caused Maya to eat the burger."

"There's a whole ton of problems with your logic, Sally."

"Yeah! What that douche said!"

Nico camly looked around. "Does anyone else really have a problem with the results?"

"Hell no." "NOO!" "It's a pleasant result." "Works for me, dude." "Komaeda was kinda bananas, anyway."

The only exception was Clover. "That bear's cute. Do we have to-Ow! Ow! Jeez, fine, kill them, I don't care anyway!" She clutched her throbbing forehead.

Nico raised his gavel over the button in front of him. "Game over, motherfuckers! Joshua has been found guilty! Iiiiiiiiit's punishment time!" Nico swung his gavel down.

Joshua smiled as millions of steel douches crushed him. "This is what I wanted anyway. This punishment could only happen to the biggest douche ever."

Nico then raised his gavel again. "Quote unquote, but for monokuma." However, he stopped his gavel at 45 degrees. "Why are you pushing me...whoever you are?"

He appeared to be talking to nobody, because only Nico could see the ghost of Komaeda pushing at his arms. "Obviously," he said in a voice everyone could hear, "because if you push that button again, we can go to the afterlife together."

"How would that work? How are you even doing anything?"

"Dude, are you talking to a ghost?" Hagakure started flipping out.

Komaeda smirked. "When I died, I went to Heavenly Host Elementary. Sachiko understood how bananas I was, so she lent me power in exchange for helping her kill people. It's a win-win for me."

"Whatever. Even if you do this, Monokuma will die, not me."

"Upupupupupupuu!" Monokuma's laugh resounded. "Nico, you're wrong. This is case 5 bullshit, but for the first game."

"You can see him too?" Nico asked.

"I'll explain it from here, Monokuma," Komaeda continued. "Think about it. You're blaming characters for murders based on external causes. But who created these characters? Who gave me hope bagel powers? Why is Monokuma drinking Martinis? The cause and effect of this boils down to one person: you."

Nico fell back on his chair, finally understanding the nature of the SS LP he created. "B-but so what? Even if you want to twist logic, it still won't alter my choice."

"Ahahahahahaha. Clearly you underestimate my new powers. Everything here is now under my control." Slowly, Nico saw physical representations of what this change meant. (NicoB can make up this part. Maybe have Hagakure be useful.)

"I thought I was free! No more fangirls would ship me with the worst characters if they were dead! It was the perfect solution!"

"It was, but not for you. Now come join me at Heavenly Host. Whatever punishment is in store, you'll suffer from it forever. And we can be bananas together and forever. Oh, and Joshua got a partial deal. It'll be a perfect OT3."

The punishments were ironic, and chose the victim. Nico knew that if he was punished, all of the testicle jokes he'd used would come back to bite him, quite literally. "Fine. Then I won't push it. I'd rather live with Monokuma than- wait, why is my arm still moving?"

"That gavel has trace amounts of my bullshit in it mixed with Joshua's power. I planted this trap as my last resort."

"You…planted it?"

"Yepsadoodles. And that's not all. I gave Monokuma the poison. I purposely goofed in Horny Rangers so that Seven would think I was practicing a move and therefore distracted. Plus, I could run away from Joshua with my suit on. Joshua would modify the remaining food and Maya would eat it. Then we'd have our trial, me poisoned beforehand."

"Did you really plan out all this? The trial, Joshua's attack, and me punishing Monokuma with this hammer…was that all according to Aizen's stupid plan?"

"Yep. You're easy to provocation, so I knew you'd death bagel me and run out of gavels except for this one. And now my true demon bullshit powers have surpassed mortal limits! I've created a whole new world. Reality means nothing, and the bullshit will always be the truth."

"But how would you know I'd be left…never mind." All hope left Nico's eyes as the gavel slowly moved itself towards the button. "This is…how it ends…" he muttered. "My resistance…means nothing. Ow!"

All of a sudden, a penguin fell from the sky and landed on his head. "Penguin kick!" it shouted. Flames suddenly appeared on his head, but disappeared moments after. "Nico, get your monkey ass into gear!"

Nico felt his grip return. He moved his fingers, but found that the gavel was attached to his hand like an adhesive. "Bagels…what are you…"

"What do you think? You need to pull yourself together! Nico, your mindset is Komaeda's trap! He wants you to resist! If you want to stop him, then do what he's suggesting and put all of your force into that gavel!"

Nico glanced at Bagels through squinted eyes. "I don't understand. How would that help? It's over-"

"Just do it!" Bagels shouted.

"Whatever." A tad confused, Nico took the advice and put all of his force into the hammer. Inches away from contact, the hammer shattered. "How…what kind of bullshit-"

"Exactly that kind!" Bagels shouted. "I'm a penguin! How can I do a falcon kick? Just because the world has become bullshit doesn't mean we can't utilize it!"

Nico waved his hand, and a box of PF Chang's leftovers appeared. "Don't do this Nico!" At that moment, Komaeda let go of Nico's arm and pushed the carton over.

As it spilled, the food curved upwards in midair, flew around in a spiral, and eventually landed in Nico's mouth. Nico gulped it all down and grinned.

Komaeda's ghost hovered away until he hovered a few feet above Nico's seat, arms outstretched. "Simple bullshit cannot beat ultimate bullshit!" he shouted as bagels exited his body and pummeled Nico.

He simply grinned. "You're right." All of a sudden, his whole body glowed in shimmering white light. The bagels all bounced harmlessly off him. The figure encased in white then pointed at Komaeda. "Now taste my delicious wrath." A rumbling sound could be heard throughout the courtroom.

Tooo be continuuuuued!

Will there still be an SS LP? Will there be sunny days and funny plays? Find out next time, on dragonball Zeeee!


	2. Seek A Way Out----Of Reason

Previously, on Turnabout Bananas

Nico: "Holy shit, this is getting bananas?"

"Ahahaha, it's getting what now? Ahahahahahaha (head starts spinning)" BOooom!

And now, back to pretentious fanfiction.

"Yaawww, Helrrrrrrrrrrf," NicoB yawned as he pulled the covers off of his bed and got up, emitting crack from all over his body. I mean cracks, like his stiff body, particularly his-

"Shut it, you bitch ass narrator," Nico groaned, rubbing his knuckles over his eyes. "I'm no good at the dirty humor unless I've got a mug of crack-laced Folgers in my system. Not that I'll take any today."

Nico was right. Today was his day off of the SS LP, and he's letting his characters run free while he recharges. He grabbed a VHS tape of Full House, because that's what anyone would watch if they've done dirty humor for too long. However, he took the black cassette tape and started mashing it against his laptop. He continued this for around a minute until he fully woke up. "Oh right, I don't even own a DVD player. I'll just give this back to Monokuma when he finishes building the machete I'm giving to Bagels for his birthday. Wait, I don't even like Full House. And I never break from the dirty jokes!"

He then punched the narrator in the face. "Ow! Dafuq?" I shouted. (I'll take the Joshua voice because that's my real name.) "I'm not even in the story!"

"This is why I took so long to read your fanfics. Work on your exposition." After my sole purpose of throwing a pointless wrench into the story was over, I faded out of existence and continued my narration so that my presence seemed less creepy.

After a few minutes, Nico was dressed and equipped with his microphone headphones, as he obviously wears them everywhere. He headed to his kitchen and grabbed the blender. Before he turned it on, a thought hit him. "If I want a rest day, I should drink something calming." He pounded his fist into his palm. "Of course! Sweet Lemon Tea!"

With that in mind, he headed to his front door and opened it. "Have a nice day, big bro!" He turned around to see Nanako waving as she did the newspaper crossword puzzle at the kitchen table. (At this point, your author would like to mention that he's at video 40 of the persona 4 playthrough, so please do not spoil while reading this.)

"You too, Nanako-chan," Nico replied, though he probably knew slightly more about Japanese honorifics than the narrator. He then closed the door behind him as Nanako scratched her head and muttered 'weeeeell' in that way Nico can't get enough of.

Once outside, he took a moment to ignore the world and stare up into space. This sort of peace and serenity was a novel moment for him, as he didn't need to worry about Picky Penguins or even Komaeda. He took a deep breath and smiled.

At that moment, the predictable change in mood of the story happened. Various images started flashing through Nico's mind, and he clutched his head as his knees fell to the ground. He had done this day once before. He'd go buy the tea, drink it on his hammock in the yard, and the next thing he knew…

Nico started to hyperventilate. "What the…a trial? Where I'm the judge? And I'm guilty? Ghosts…turkey…rangers…" His breathing started to slow. "Whoa…I think I just pulled a Zero Escape. Was that a memory of something that will happen?" He stared at his palm. "Hm. If my demon powers became real in that world, then maybe-" He pointed to the sky and did a spinning jump. "Persona!"

"Big bro?" Once Nico landed, he looked towards the source of the voice. Sure enough, Nanako was behind the barely opened door, peering out at Nico. "You've been shouting out here for a while. Are you okay?"

Nico plastered a smile on his face and waved his hand. Even if she would've believed the memory-swapping BS, he didn't want to involve her. "No, no. I'm just seeing if I have a persona."

Nanako opened the door fully. She used her other hand to facepalm. "That's impossible. Big bro, you're my persona. Did you forget?"

"I am?" Nico shouted.

"Oh, that's right. I didn't tell you. Sorry."

"Why wouldn't you tell me something like that?"

"Weeeeell, I forgot." She hid her head between her hands, while just barely peeking out at me. "But you didn't try to hurt me, and you were really funny." She beamed. "I thought if I pointed it out, you'd go away. And there's a lot of fun things to do here. That angel corpse hippie was mean, but I know not all Personas are like that. Sorry."

"No, no, it's okay." A real smile crept over Nico's face, despite the paradigm shifting truth about his existence that he just learned. "I'll get you a popsicle at Walmart while I'm out. That sound good?"

"I don't understand those words. Do they sell wall mark at Junes?"

Nico did that strange thinking-Larry look, and his head actually did a 360 degree spin. "I'll get you some food while I'm out. You like fruit by the foot?"

"Yaaayyy!" She closed the door as Nico headed down the sidewalk. 'So I'm the shadow of Nanako,' he thought. 'That explains a lot. Like my passion for crazy psychos and dirty whores, violent tendencies, and sex cravings in both directions. Everything runs counter to Nanako and her bubbly sweetness.'

As he walks, he realized just how not surprised he was to learn that he had no true self. "Holy crap, I've had this conversation with Nanako before! But how does that even work? There's a butterfly affect and there's pure monkey garbage!" It finally dawned on him just how similar this situation was to Zero Escape.

A more pressing issue suddenly pushed itself onto Nico. In response, he reached out his hand and pulled a notebook from thin air. "Huh. I guess this doesn't make any less sense than shooting fireballs or summoning giants." He then started writing down some thoughts. 'So, if I do nothing today, Maya will die. And that would suck. She's not only an adorable goober, she inspired one of my best catchphrases. I just need to find her and stop her from eating that turkey burger. All before…'

He dropped his pen. Nico knew the basics of how the murder went down, but nothing of the logical specifics, specifically time and location. When did the murder take place? Where the heck was Yaoi Elopers Park? All of a sudden, I found myself materialized in the streets of somewhere, and my face had another pleasant conversation with Nico's fist. I pinched my bloody nose. "Why, Nico?" I shouted. "I love you and your videos! If LP's weren't such a niche interest, I'd recommend you in reality, I swear!"

Nico blew on his palm. "It's tough love. If you want to write, you have to think about continuity. Otherwise, you might as well write about two normal characters having sex, just like every other fanfic."

A tear rolled down my cheek. "That's a trainium to the cranium, dude."

"My point exactly! Stop repeating gags no one even found funny and find me a way to save Maya!"

I slumped. "Look, don't get all worked up. It's like you said, I suck at continuity. So I'm sure the plot will resolve without you needing to know it."

Nico's eyes widened. "Mother of Kthulu, you're right." He stuck his thumb up while I faded out of existence again. "Stay classy." He then leaned to the side slightly and pointed to the sky. "Oh no! Megatron!"

"Nyeeeeee?" A skittish high schooler with glasses and a flip phone appeared before Nico. He looked around. "Where is Megatron? Where?"

"Good, you're here." Nico clapped his hands. "Okay, I don't know where Yaoi Elopers Park is, and I don't know how much time I have left. That's where you come in."

"Oh god, what do you want me to do?" Morishige responded in a nerdy voice.

"Run around until you find the park. With your running and teleporting skills, you're the only one fast enough to search for it. Look for a bald grandpa with a beard and cloak, and bring me the turkey bagel he's hiding under his cloak. Ready, go!"

"Nyee, but how am I supposed to find this park if I have-"

Nico shook his head. "Monkey ass in gear. Now." He waved his hand, and Morishige ran off. He sighed. "Pain in the balls, that one. Pain in the mother freaking doodly balls."

A minute later, Morishige returned, turkey bagel in hand. "Good," Nico said. "Now eat it." He wanted to eradicate the danger from harming anyone who didn't deserve it.

"But what if it's-" Nico snapped his fingers, and a giant fist came from the sky and crushed the pavement right next to Morishige.

He gulped it down. Nico sighed. "Of all the powers I could have," he murmured. "Who even remembers Toilet in Wonderland? And why pick Persona 4 as the theme for my daily life? If I am a shadow, what is my power?"

He pointed at Morishige. "Persona powers gooooo?" Somehow this worked, and another Morishige appeared next to the original.

"Nyeeeeee," the clone with freaky yellow eyes said. "I am a shadow, the true self. But since you're an ill-defined creepo, I'm the same thing! If only the author had the patience for watching Book of Shadows, I might be interesting and developed. But I just blab here."

"Nooooooooooo!" Nico realized his power. He could act as the TV world and force a person's persona out of them. "No shit, narrator! C'mon, I can't run out of juice after the first try!" He snapped his fingers, and the fist crushed Morishige into a bloody pulp. Nico wiped the sweat from his forehead. "Phew. I saved Maya. I must make babies with someone to celebrate."

Morishige grinned, but none of his attention was on Nico. His eyes gleamed and he started taking pictures on his Stone Age flip phone. "Wow, I can actually see my own giblets! I'd never think it physically possible! God, I cannot thank you enough for a;woeigha;weijflaeiowhgluahlfhewagoawei!" Morishige started convulsing, and he dropped to the side, dead from arousal.

"Yeaaahhhh!" Nico shouted, both of his fists up in the air. Although it's a bit late, no one else was ever around him. It was a quiet day. "I did it! I did it! I didn't think it was possible! But it's over! Maya's alive and Morishige's dead! I didn't think it possible! Where the fuck is Chiaki?"

"Nyehehehehe!" A loud douchy voice rang out from the heavens. Nico looked up and saw Joshua descend in beam of ethereal light. "Sorry, but this is it for you, Sally. You just sealed your own fate."

"I didn't seal shit!" Nico shouted. "That blob of meat is persistent as a cockroach! He'll show up again, and I'll kill him again. That's how this works!"

"Clearly, you underestimate the turkey bagel." Joshua brushed his hand through his hair and laughed. "Even a cheap poison like this can kill that piece of shit when fused with its almighty power."

"Dude, that piece of shit is the father of your voice."

"Anyway, Sally, we'll be having a trial soon. And I'm judging, so you'll feel a real pain in the balls."

"Are you shitting me?" Nico shouted. "Wait, why hasn't Komaeda been mentioned yet? He's in every fanfic of mine!"

"Who do you think ordered me to show up and use two fist of god attacks?"

"Bleah!" Nico made the Maya surprised face. "It wasn't my power?"

"Indeed it wasn't, Sally."

"Why are you even doing this for him? Don't you two hate each other?"

"We made a little deal. He'd let me kill him if I killed Morishige in the way he described. Before I Jesused his ass, he also said something like 'I need to die here since I won't get killed by Nico in the upcoming trial this time' or something. Anyway, see you at the trial!" He vanished into thin air, leaving a stupefied Nico staring at air. "He even…planned my jump through time? Can I not escape him no matter what?" He thought about the eternity he would soon spend at Heavenly Host, with nothing to accompany him but waffles.

GAME OVER

Congratulations! You completed the Morishige End. But much is still not answered. Can you find the truth?

Bonus Scene:

NicoB continued to stand stupefied on the pavement, all hope gone from his face. As a tension breaker, I apparated next to him and put my arm on his shoulder. "Cheer up, buddy," I said. "You know what would make you feel better? A good song. I'm thinking **Remember the Name** by **Fort Minor** in the **Godot** voice. Wouldn't that be fun? It'll pump you u-"

"Promote this." Nico grabbed my head and pushed it down to the ground with superhuman speed. The last thing I remembered was my broken nose coming in contact with the concrete.

Nakagawa End


	3. Attack on Canon

Last time, on Turnabout Bananas:

Morishige: "God, I cannot thank you enough for aughagoahgagah!"

NicoB: "Yeeesssss! Take that, you son of a bitch! I didn't even need a T-Rex to deal with you!"

And now, back to pretentious fanfiction.

It's the fanfiction drinking game! Eat a bite of PF Changs every time the phrase 'bullshit' is used! (Nico, use a fastforwarded voice) (Warning: may cause addiction, violent tendencies, horny tendencies, depletion of money to buy the PF changs, inability to buy drugs because of said lack of money, testicular explosion by lack of drugs, depression by lack of testicles, growth of testicles in women only to have this exact procedure happen to them, turning bagels into your sole sense of security, making your eyes look strange but honestly not that strange if you consider all of the weird detailed eyes in Danganronpa, getting an addition to bagels, seeing hope as a drug, worshiping it like a god, and falling in love with the head of an old man. Enjoy.)

As the glowing figure of Nico pointed to Komaeda, the courtroom shook. Somehow, people recognized Nico as making a sadistic grin even though his face appeared as just a white oval. Only one figure dared to move. Though, I suppose rather than move, Bagels was waddling and tripped over one of the burn marks on the judge table he created. He then stood up, steadying himself as if he was surfing. "Hang 10, baby!"

Nico turned to face Bagels, accidentally curving his pointing arm upward. "Bagels, what are you doing?" A flash of light covered the whole area. Nico looked up and realized what he'd done. He clutched his head. "These memories…I…this power…" He glanced at what looked like a puzzled Komaeda, but since he always seemed to understand everything, it was probably just more-

"Impressive bullshit," Komaeda said as the light faded out. He then made an Edgeworth shrug with ghost palms facing the ceiling. "But nothing seems to have changed. Were you hoping to become a horny ranger in my absence? Sorry, but that would make sense." Nico's face turned pale as Komaeda made his crazy eyes. "And this is the bullshit dimension. By the way, I'd dodge if I were you."

Nico stared behind him and noticed Monokuma with his arm cannon, or buster gun, or whatever the hell Megaman called it. "Bululululu! The despair when you notice too late! Die, motherfucker!"

Nico could only watch in horror as the white death approached up. In that moment, a small shadow jumped in front of the blast in slow motion. It only took him a nanosecond to recognize the figure, though he couldn't respond because he was the only one affected by the slow-motion sequence. "I'm pretty picky, Nico," Bagels said. "That's why you're living, not me."

In the whiteness, the form of the grinning penguin faded. However, the blast continued towards Nico, not slowed at all. "For…nothing?" he said, dumbfounded. "No way! I won't-"

"Reflect on your own time. Hexagonhome kick!" With a shout, Seven's leg, enclosed in black armor, collided with Nico's torso and he flew to the courtroom wall, where he then slid to the floor, creating a bloody trail behind him. The blast continued past Nico and enveloped Komaeda's ghost form.

Groggily, Nico sat up. He glanced behind him, and screamed in horror. "Are those my giblets on the wall? Wait, how can I say that as if I'm just fine?" He reached behind himself, and his back felt perfectly fine. "Is anyone else wondering how that even works?" He saw Seven in costume reaching his arm towards Nico, who grabbed it and stood up. "Thanks, Seven. Wait, no thanks! Why would you kick me? That hurt a ton!" He glanced down. "Actually, it doesn't. Strange. But why kick me in the first place?"

Seven shrugged. "Cause you didn't dodge. Monokuma was about to blast the shit out of you."

"If you had the time to kick me, why not kick that 'drunk piece of shit' instead?"

Seven banged at his forehead. "Dang acorn beanie's sealed. But after what happened with the poison, I got nervous about directly interfering with anything he's got planned. This bullshit's crazy enough. I thought Komaeda wouldn't get the better of me again, but I helped him again. Man."

"What are you even saying? You're one of my favorite voices because you're sound in judgment, yet a total badass! Not because you're violent!"

"Yeah, I just heard this shit, and I honestly don't care what you think." He pointed up to Nico's desk. "But I think we should really care about that."

Nico glanced around the courtroom, but almost the entire courtroom was staring at his desk too, including…Komaeda. He stood on top of Nico's desk and cackled, once again with his crazy eyes. He then kicked some of the debris from the broken hammer off the surface.

"The fuck?" a voice rose from the courtroom. To everyone's surprise, the source was Monokuma, who was punching his armgun with his other arm. "That blast was supposed to eliminate both of you fuckers from existence!"

Komaeda waved. "Sorry, Monokuma, but this is where our partnership ends. You had two great chances to bring Nico to the afterlife, and you failed both of them. Besides, I got you your trial, so why are you complaining?"

"Because you said you would die! What's with this coming back to life deus ex machina crap?"

Komaeda ruffled through his hair and sighed. "Monokuma, do you seriously not get it? This is the bullshit world! Your intent to kill a dead person brought me back to life! And now, it's time for the main actor's little gambit to pay off! In three, two, one…" He snapped his fingers.

Almost everyone in the audience looked around, but nothing had changed. "Oh shit, I don't actually know the timing. Let me do another-"

"It's horny teddie time!" A strange round costume with three red dots going down the middle pounced on Monokuma, who just barely blocked it with his arm gun. "You want to fight, bitch?" Monokuma counter-striked. "Ha!" "Ha!" "HAAAAA!"

Komaeda sighed. "Well, timing isn't everything, I suppose. Whatever. Charging time." Nico noticed a strange current start to encircle Komaeda.

Seven then gestured at the center of the courtroom. Nico stared in the direction, and saw a white suit hovering in the air. "So, when Edgeworth and I transformed," Seven began, "we found ourselves able to move. Edgeworth had the idea about removing the targets."

"And he's the one who asked you to kick me?"

Seven nodded. "He would use his ghost powers to control Komaeda's ghost. But that flash of light made another one of us appear, saying all sorts of nasty shit. Like what Monokuma and that freaky bear thing, Edgeworth's got the same problem."

Nico took a closer look, and saw that, rather than hovering, Edgeworth was being contained in that area. The one containing him, using some sort of Jedi force trick, was none other than Togami. "I am a shadow, the douche self," Togami said, adjusting his glasses. "I'm…not a douche," Edgeworth squeaked out.

Seven smirked. "Well, once the plan had failed, and this chaos began-"

"You wanted to have fun watching Edgeworth get some comeuppance, right? I have to say, it is fun watching a smart character deny himself so forcefully."

"Hell yeah." Nico and Seven high-fived. "But seriously, I thought I shouldn't because, well, you're the one who caused this, right? So I thought you'd know what to do."

Nico stared at his palm. "Did…did I do this? I…I did. My persona power…it's causing this chaos." He looked around, and saw the madness around him. Phoenix and Xin Eohp were yelling at each other, Judge was firing bagels while his Canadian brother shot waffles laced with maple syrup, and Clover was trembling while holding an axe over Chiaki. "Can you deny my existence any less than you allow yours?" she asked. By asking various logical questions, she managed to halt Clover's attacks.

However, this wasn't enough of protection for Nico. He started to run, but got both of his arms enclosed by Seven's. "Let me go!" he shouted. "I'm not letting her die again!"

Seven spun Nico around and held him by his shirt collar. "I don't want her to die any more than you do! But more than her life is at stake! You've got a responsibility to everybody here, and I will not let you ignore it for personal feelings!"

The angst in Nico's face turned to angst. "Then what should I do? I barely had a chance to understand this power when I realized it! And now I have to save a world I barely understand as is? How can I do anything?"

Seven applied great pressure to Nico's shoulders. "Stop being a little bitch. You think Edgeworth or I was smart enough to come up with everything I told you about?" He pointed to a lone bald figure. Nico shuddered. "In this bullshit world, one person gained the smarts to fight. I'll be right back."

Bald Hagakure turned around and headed over calmly to Nico. "Child, the fate of this entire courtroom depends on-"

"No, no!" Nico shouted. "You are the one coming up with a solution? Bullshit or not, that just won't happen!"

"This bullshit must be accepted. It is the only way." Hagakure folded his arms and stared at Nico, who resigned himself to…this. "Currently, you have a power which separates people from their opposite selves. I don't know where or how you got this power, but of everything in this bullshit world, it is the only thing to make sense. You've experienced this, right?"

Thinking back on it, Nico realized that Hagakure was right. Getting slammed against a wall didn't hurt him and Hagakure was giving exposition, but Togami was being a douche and Seven was being a badass. Also, he was kicking Togami's monkey ass. "Wait," Nico began, "you said their opposite selves, and not their evil selves?"

"Indeed." Hagakure nodded. Seeing smart Hagakure was giving Nico relief, in the ironic bullshit way, since real Nico might miss this. "Monokuma and the Judge were already evil, so their altar egos were good." He pointed at Komaeda. "Currently, the crazed man is colleting up bullshit energy like a spirit bomb, and is immune to everything in this bullshit world. Your weapon, the only thing immune to this world, targeted everyone in this room when the great light shone. Except for Komaeda, who was dead at the time. You have to use your power on him while he's still charging, but-"

"Then say that first!" Nico shouted. "We've been wasting all of this time talking when we should be killing him! This isn't DBZ! He won't just wait! And I really can't take you seriously!"

"He will. But you can't just shoot willy-nilly. When the energy has achieved the shape of a halo above his head, he will be weakest. Plus, in a weird way, your power relies on logic. So it will have the greatest potency when you understand it best."

Nico clasped his hands together, and put them into the shape of a pistol. He then nodded. "I never thought I'd say this, but thanks Hagakure. You really helped me out." He then pointed at Komaeda, while continuously adjusting his aim.

"I am happy to be helpful, if only for this fanfiction." He started walking away. "Now, my work is done. Don't forget this part of me, okay?"

"Wait," Nico said. Hagakure turned around, looking oddly hopeful. "First, I most certainly will. Second, why don't you and Seven have a persona?"

"Well, like you said, I don't matter to a story, so I wouldn't get one." Hagakure pouted, but Nico just smiled. "Seven beat his on his own. It started talking about his weaknesses, and he said that he was cool with it all. Then he threatened to kick its ass, and it evaporated."

"Cool. Scott, take him away. His role is done."

I showed up. "Thanks. I can't stand serious him either." I grabbed the bald monk, and we both evaporated from the story.

Nico got back into position. He took a glance around the courtroom, and noted everyone standing next to his or her shadow. Though rather than cooperating, they were simply marveling the great bullshit collection atop Komaeda. Unfortunately, it took the shape of the spirit bomb, and looked nothing like a bagel. Nico grimaced. _In the end, bagels died for nothing, and I got saved by someone else. I won't let his sacrifice go to waste._

"Relax." A pat on the back awoke Nico from his monologue. He looked at Seven, who had removed just the face part of his mask and was grinning. "You're worried about Maya and the penguin, right? Remember, you're the only one who can give their lives meaning."

Nico nodded and smiled back. He then looked thoughtful for a moment. "Oh yeah, I forgot to ask the goofball." He pointed his pistol-form hand at Komaeda, then cocked it backwards. "When I shoot him like that, what's going to happen exactly? Will this just end?"

"Unnnh!" Komaeda clutched his head. His body started to split. At first, Nico thought he might have been crossing his eyes, but a quick test proved otherwise. A few seconds later, Nico noted Naegi, staring at his palms and standing next to Komaeda. "Where am I?" he asked.

Komaeda grinned at Nico. "So you finally figured out how to use your power? Sorry you used it too soon!" He nudged Naegi with his elbow, and the pupils disappeared from his eyes. "Not even the hope bagel stands up to me now! No logic can face my bullshit now!"

He took the spirit bullshit in his hands and threw it at Nico. However, before the ball left his hands, he fell to his knees. Nico noted Seven standing behind Komaeda with his leg raised. The ball soon left his hands, though, and even though Seven was beating the crap out of Komaeda, the path wouldn't change. However, it was moving rather slowly, so Nico just stepped to the side. As he did, the ball followed suit. As a result, he started casually walking around the circular courtroom, and the ball followed him at that pace.

Nico thought on his feet. "Wait, Komaeda! Why are you even doing this? Didn't you want me dead with you? But you're alive now! What is the point of all this? And why has the genre of this suddenly changed from mystery to action?"

"I believe we all know the answer to the last question," Komaeda said as his body quickly gained more bruises. A whimper could be heard from me, but nobody cared, so I stopped. Komaeda then turned to look at Seven's mask. "Your attacks aren't hindering me. That make you want to stop, Seven?"

"You wish, bitch!" As Seven was about to land another punch, his fist suddenly stopped. He presumably looked down through his mask. "Dear god, are you hard?" He backed away and started punching his head, causing a light earthquake.

Komaeda then directed his attention at Nico. "Hahahahahaha! So this was the power you came back with! Incredible for it to resist my overwhelming bullshit! Unfortunately, this must be your first time, cause you shot too soon!" Nico grimaced at the very poorly written sex joke. Furthermore, to his dismay, the bomb did not stop, so he continued to walk around the courtroom, keeping his arms aloft to prevent falling from the earthquake.

Finally, he decided to speak. "What about your other plan? About killing me and the deal with Sachiko, and the other nonsense no readers of this paid attention to? Did you really do all this just for some kinky fetish of yours, or did you just feel the need for power in your balls?"

"Well, those are means and nothing more. My true desires go beyond mere lust. What I want from all this is…canon."

Nico stopped, not out of shock, but from complete confusion. _Did he mean like the kind bitches love, or was he worse than me at pronouncing words like 'canyon'?_ "Oh, his goofy-ness can't be helped. Fuck!" He started running again, as the bomb had grazed him. "What do you even mean?"

"Why even bother running? Nothing here matters." Komaeda held out his arms as if he was presenting himself. "That is the cruel reality of this world. We are nothing more than rip-offs of pre-existing characters in a fanfiction. Nothing we do will make a single difference in the truth of our characters. We cannot change what's accepted as canon. That was the turth, anyway."

"And something you've done has changed that?"

"Don't sell yourself short." Komaeda snapped his fingers. "Like I mentioned before, everything crazy in this world is thanks to your ad-libbing. A one-armed sociopath is constantly doing really erotic stuff with a turkey-obsessed senile fart, and five characters who have never met started a power rangers team. As such, this world is much more susceptible to sudden changes than official animes. But it's not as if the content in every fanfiction can affect such a dynamic world, especially considering your incredible lack of focus on…well, everything."

Nico's face looked as if he'd actually seen that orgy from the end of Trials & Tribulations. "Seven, why are you not kicking his ass? It might not help, but it'll make both of us feel better." His eyes discerned a strange green blob on the floor. Upon Closer inspection, Seven sat hunched over in a bowl. "Seven?" His response came through a blood-curdling scream.

Komaeda shrugged. "Bullshit works in a funny way. Anyone in constant contact with me will inevitably get hurt. Fun fact, I'm actually why old Udgey is so messed up in the head." At a glimpse, Nico noticed 'Udgey's head turn to the side and get whaffled. "But back on track. Me being a schemer and getting hard from a beatdown is something you come up with on a daily basis. What sticks in your head, though, are the stories that bring us about. And that, no this, is what I hoped for. A confrontation, started with a murder and ended with a climactic final boss fight, all surrounding the trials underwent by the main character. If your outer self reads this, you'll definitely remember such a stupid yet epic adventure. And with my satisfying end, something in this fanfiction will affect how you build this world from now on. To that end, this is my goal; canon. And by the way, I'm not satisfied by some"

Nico blinked twice. "Are you serious? You set up this whole stupid scheme, planned around everyone's actions, all for some stupid fan request? Is that really all you wanted? Aren't you happy with things on this channel? You're its main selling point, dumbass! You have everything you want! Besides, just do the inevitable end of every fanfiction and have this all be a dream"

Komaeda grinned. "Sure, things are perfect for me, but who wants something so wishy-washy as bland success? I'm not meant for this fame." Nico braced himself for Komaeda's inevitable next phrase. "I'm nothing more than everyone's stepping stone. So follow suit with everyone else and trample over me…for true hope. Also, I'm not interested in some hopeless end like all of this being a dream. What I do will matter."

"Odd point to suddenly bring up. Did that punk-ass writer just think of that plothole at the last min-"

Before Nico could finish that statement, a strange mass flew across the courtroom. He stopped to stare at the mass, and just as he recognized it, Xin Eohp flew into Komaeda. "Take that, blararara!" Phoenix yelled, his head vigorously shaking while doing his signatory point. "What do you mean, trample?"

"Phoenix," Nico started to say, but couldn't finish. What would he say? Don't kill Komaeda? No way he could say that to Phoenix of all people, especially considering what happened to Maya, even if the son of a bitch totally deserved it.

However, he needn't have worried. As Xin Eoph collided with Komaeda, his body started disappearing and being replaced by a white light. "Nice try, Phoenix. But you played this guy's case. Everything about his case was fake, so it melds perfectly with my bullshit! Ahahahaha Evil Laugh!"

Nico couldn't understand the situation nor the redundancy. Regardless, he had no choice but to help out. He readied his hand pistol again, but something felt wrong. _Am I out of juice? Is there some sort of recharging time? Damn, why couldn't I have figured this out in the other timeline? Besides, I already separated Naegi from him! What else can my power even do?_

He had no time to work out technicalities. "Unlimited Cravat works!" Nico's attention turned to Edgeworth, who snapped and caused around ten Togamis to appear from thin air. They all flew toward Komaeda, but they all turned to white light as well, causing the bomb chasing Nico to grow even bigger. "What?" Edgeworth claimed. "But douche isn't even bullshit!"

"Also, I'm pretty sure that using your persona isn't throwing it like a projectile," Nico muttered. He wanted to ruin the mood by giving a retort, but being directly involved, he was too transfixed by the atmosphere to draw everyone's attention over his attempt to be clever.

"The real Togami has become your Persona," Komaeda went on. "These are all fakes. And that plot twist in chapter 5 was a total bullshit move by the creator! If you want to stop me, you'd better shoot me with a counter-"

"A counter? You bearter believe I've got one!" Teddie started tossing copies of Monokuma into the air, and Teddie's official Persona punched them so that they flew in Komaeda's direction. As they collided with Komaeda's energy, they faded into black light. At the same time, waffles started coming from Canadian Judge's beard. (Recall, maple syrup - maple leaf - Canada) As more of both forms of despair hit Komaeda, a black aura coated Komaeda and his previously established white light coating.

The bullshit ball, now twice the size of Nico, stopped chasing him and returned to above Komaeda's head. "That might have worked when I was previously alive, but the bullshit I gained from my Sachiko contract is too strong to mix with this weak despair. Eh?" Contrary to what he said, the black and white colors started mingling into a strange grey. Nico even picked up on static in his area.

"Nico, I'm doing that." Nico looked in the direction of the voice, and it was coming from Chiaki. She was constantly pointing at various areas in front of her and dragging her hand around, as if the world was a giant touch screen. As she continued to drag air around, the light around Komaeda became more and more grey. Nico took a closer look at Chiaki, and noticed Clover lying on the floor with her limbs in the air and no pupils in her eyes. He drew his attention back to Chiaki, internally questioning what she did to Clover. She blushed a tad and covered her chest. "Nico, you perv."

"Chiaki, who cares-"

"I know." She smiled sweetly and pointed a few times in front of Nico. "That'll give you enough for two shots. Look." She pointed at Komaeda. As Hagakure had predicted, the grey energy had taken the form of a bagel above Komaeda's head. "It's your best chance."

"But weren't you listening? It's what he wants us-"

"I was, and who cares if it's part of some plan? This drama isn't like us. Hasn't this channel always been about crazy stuff on impulse? So just forget the consequences and have fun."

"But it won't-"

"We don't have time. Just shoot Naegi."

A little confused, Nico aimed at Naegi. Out of the blue, Izuru fell out of Naegi's body, while his own pupils returned. "Hey, I'm back." He then turns to Komaeda, and fear filled his expression.

On the contrary, Komaeda smirked. "What will you do, tiny me? What can you do aside from getting absorbed?" He took a step towards Naegi, then another, then another, then- "Wah!"

Komaeda twisted his body to avoid a truth bullet Naegi shot. He put his hands into the shape of a pistol, and fired at Komaeda, shouting "WROOONG!" each time. Somehow, they made holes in the grey matter surrounding Komaeda, but the holes made quickly filled themselves again.

"Not bad. Logic is indeed bullshit's kryptonite. But-" He stomped on the desk and the thickness of the layer surrounding him grew three times in thickness. Naegi's bullets now only bounced harmlessly off of it. In my critical state, my power is-raaaaahhahahahahahaha!" He clutched his head, with crazy eyes obviously, and fell to the ground. I-it's too much! How?" He stared downward. "Oh my god. Was I so horny that my power overloaded?"

"Hell…ugh….yeah." Seven gave a trembling thumbs-up. Komaeda glared at him.

"Now," Chiaki commanded. "Shoot Izuru!"

With no hesitation, Nico aimed at Izuru, causing Hinata to fall out. Izuru stared at Hinata in bewilderment. "How…we're the same person. He's not me. No way." With those words, Izuru vanished, because of Persona BS.

Naegi offered Hinata his hand, and when they were both standing, they held their pistol-shaped hands above their heads. "Hope for the future!" they both shouted. With the epic flashy move completed, the energy surrounding Komaeda vanished from thin air.

Trembling, he fell back while staring at his palms. An odd grin plastered across his face. "So, it's really over. The bad guy's been defeated. Kill me when I'm down."

Nico grinned. "With pleasure." He positioned his arms as if he was holding an imaginary machete. "Chiaki, use your matrix powers."

"No." Before Nico could reply, she pointed to Komaeda. A small round object flew from the Judge's table toward him and smacked him in the head. Sure enough, the round object was Judge's head. Chiaki nodded. "Let this finish."

"What do you want, Udgey? Step aside. In canon, Nico wouldn't kill one of the best running gags."

"Komaeda, you need to give up. This has no chance of becoming canon."

"Don't you dare say that! I can change things! I'm mother fucking Komaeda!"

"You know as well as I do what a softie Nico is to the characters he likes. You killed Maya and Bagels, two characters he has an unhealthy attraction to." Nico thought to interrupt, but he decided that it might be best to stay silent. "You never had a chance of changing the canon universe from the start."

Komaeda started to panic. "But I'm supposed to be a stepping stone. I can change things. And hope can only rise-"

"First of all, shut up. Besides, are you really happy with how things turned out? The author decided to have me be a disembodied head, you died and came back to life, and everyone views you as an enemy. Don't you…don't you like how things are? Even if you don't, what about me? Aren't I something special to you?"

Komaeda slumped and leaned forward, stopping his fall by pushing on the ground. "Udgey, of course. You're my senile turkey bagel."

"Isn't that enough? I accept your crazy, and you accept my senility. As long as we can preserve our happiness, haven't we already got all we need?" A light shone under Judge's head. "In this universe, I have a character, a purpose and legitimate meaning, and half of it is thanks to you." The light faded, and Judge gained a body. He used it to hug Komaeda.

Komaeda hugged him back. "Udgey, I'm sorry! I should've known! I should've known!" From there, things got a little graphic.

Nico vomited. "Somehow, it's more disgusting when I see it rather than just talking about it. Chiaki, can you just end this?"

Chiaki nodded with narrowed eyes. "With pleasure." She grabbed hold of air behind her back with both of her hands, and pushed forward. Everything behind her turned black until the courtroom was nothing more than a little brown ball in her hands.

The e-.

"Whoa whoa whoa!" Nico shouted. The world immediately re-expanded. "Are you saying that even in this fanfiction world, the happy timeline is the one where Morishige lives? Damn it!"

Seven, Komaeda, Judge and the other characters all start laughing. "Oh, Nico," they all say, except for Chiaki who was just spacing out, saying 'uhhhhh'.

The end


End file.
